I Won't I'm In Love
by Belacquagirl
Summary: Emma's reflections as she realises her feelings for a certain handsome pirate


Her rapid paces slowed down until she stopped and her gaze got lost in the horizon. She could still feel that little frown between her brows, though.

She kicked off the pebbles at her feet.

If there was a prize for rotten judgement, she guessed she'd already won that.

She'd believed in him, she believed in every word he said, hung on them as if her life depended on it. Only to be left by herself, rotting pregnant in a jail cell waiting for 11 months to pass.

She'd believed so fiercely in Neal, in his promise of Tallahassee, that the fall couldn't have been greater. The worse of it, though, was that all she had left from him was a car, a broken heart and guilt; guilt for abandoning her baby, for sentencing him to the same cruel system her parents had left her to. But she couldn't have him. At least in there, he had a chance.

And yet, she had hoped he would change his mind. She had dreamed of him coming back for her once she was free, and they would take back their baby boy and live together as family. The family they meant to be.

And now she had a chance with Hook...

 **No.**

No man was worth the aggravation. That was ancient history; she'd been there and done that.

She wouldn't make the same mistake again. She had her parents now, had Henry, her baby brother... She already had a family, she didn't need to get involve so deeply with Killian.

Even if his sole presence already made her smile in delight.

 _Who do you think you're kidding? He's the earth and heaven to you._

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind, to take him away from her thoughts. She could practically listen to Mary Margaret, her best friend, her mother, her advisor, telling her what she didn't want (nor need) to hear.

 _You try to keep it hidden. Honey, I can see right through you; you can't conceal it. I know how you're feeling, who you're thinking of..._

She took a deep breath.

 **No chance, no way.** **No.**

Deep down, she knew it was true, that her conscience was yelling at her to acknowledge her heart's desire, but still... She couldn't bring herself to say the words.

 **I won't say it.**

The certainty settled on her mind, and yet, she could feel that at the smallest of temptations her resolution would fade at the blink of an eye.

 _C'mon Emma!_ _You're basically swooning, you sigh; Why deny it?_

Another shake of her head, he was beginning to drive her crazy.

She snorted loudly and angrily.

 **It's too cliché** \- She tried to tell herself - **I won't say I'm in love.**

She sighed at her own foolishness.

"I thought my heart had learned its lesson..." she murmured to herself.

Her mind reeled back to when she first met Neal, their walks in the park, dates on forbidden areas.

 **It feels so good when you start out…**

Him softly kissing her cheeks repeatedly, until his lips got to hers...

Her heart beating faster in a way it never did before...

 **Get a grip!** \- The sane part in her urged desperately - **Unless you're dying to cry your heart out.**

She smirked funlessly; she couldn't understand whatsoever why a person would give in to love if it only brought suffering in the end. Was it worth it? No, of course it wasn't. It couldn't be...

Her parents were an exception; true love... They couldn't get hurt if they knew from the beginning that feeling was mutual - could they?

 _You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling. I'm not buying it._

Her mother's voice again... It was really starting to get on her nerves. She guessed if she were actually carrying this conversation, she'd seem a stubborn teen not wanting to admit she's smitten. She clenched her teeth.

 _Honey, I saw you hit the ceiling. Face it like a grown-up, Emma; when you're going to own up your feelings?_

 _To let someone in?_

She froze for an instant.

 **Whoa! No chance, no way!**

 **I won't say it, NO.**

She took a deep breath, steadying herself. She looked over the ocean, the view was so beautiful with the sun slowly disappearing behind it; she was sure Killian would love it...

 _Oh, give up, give in._

 _Put on a grin, you're in love!_

She shook her head once more, trying to clear her mind of him.

 **This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love.**

She hit her foot hard on the ground. This voice in her head was so annoying... and so persistent!

 _You know I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying until you admit you're in love._

"You're waaaay off base, 'cause I won't say it" Great, now she was talking to herself "I can't say it if I'm not in love with Killian."

It was then that she noticed: _Killian_... Had she ever heard anyone call him that? He had been Hook as long as she was concerned...

She could feel her mother's knowing look; at least, the one she knew for certain that her mother would give.

 **Get off my case, I won't say it.**

She was tired already of discussing with the voice. She sighed defeatedly.

What was she doing anyway? She was arguing with a non-existing voice in her mind! Don't matter how much it sounded like Snow White, it wasn't real.

 _Don't be proud, it's okay you're in love._

The voice said before fading away, even though the way it said kept ringing in her ears. Her mother's tone was so soft, almost as if there was a joke Emma was too innocent to understand.

She sighed contentedly as she sat on the bench and gave the smallest of smiles.

No, at least out loud, she wouldn't say she's in love.


End file.
